Just because you're female, doesn't mean you can't be sexist.

Feminism is defined by merriam-webster.com as

1 : the theory of the political, economic, and social equality of the sexes
2 : organized activity on behalf of women's rights and interests. 

Apparently for some women, it means "I am going to be angry that some of my fellow women choose to embrace femininity." 

Want a sample of what I mean?  Go read this article in the Huffington Post.  I really hope that the writer was just trying to stir us up.  Because otherwise . . . I feel sad for her - wrapped in her cloak of indignation and anti-girliness.

After reading the article I sat in silence for a few minutes, letting it sink in past the initial "what on earth?" reaction.  I read through some of the replies, noting that she had pinpointed specific blogs as examples of this rampant return from rock & roll "bad-ass"-ery to the old-fashioned evils of girliness.  Blogs that turned out to be written by women who had gone through - and indeed were continuing to live through - a lot of TOUGH things. 

I wrote a comment, a response - but there was so much more in my head than I felt should be crammed into the comment box, so here I write.  Or rant, if you like.


I fail to see how a woman who can be caring, nurturing, self-suffi­cient and yes, even girly - cannot also choose to be ambitious, intelligen­t, and tough.

You want women who wear leather and kick ass? Sure! My best friend grew up overseas, can hike miles through jungle or savanna full of poisonous snakes and wild animals by herself. She's lived through political riots in 3rd-world countries. She can work on an airplane or car engine quite handily. She rides dirtbikes, and can speak 3 languages fluently. And men don't condescend to her . . . not unless she chooses to let them.

But she also takes wonderful care of her little sister; sews fabulous clothing; occasional­ly decorates in pink and lace; and has been known to take the time to enjoy cooking a truly gourmet meal!

And she isn't the only woman I know who is capable of balancing "girly" and "tough".

My sister-in-law is not the kind to lightly suffer idiots. She grew up with several older brothers, and she more than survived it. She's intelligent, speaks her mind, and takes martial arts.  She also creates delicious baked goods and is amazing at crafts.  She's tough!

My mother helped raise her siblings, worked to put herself through college (Masters Degree in mathematics), and then worked to put her siblings through school as well.  Then she moved to the wilds of Africa.  She lived alone as the only expatriate for miles. She beat poisonous snakes off her door handle in the dark with a broom.  She also speaks multiple languages.  She cooks.  She cleans.  She likes to keep things very tidy.  She's definitely a lady.  And she's tough!

The list of women who I know, who I have known, and who I continue to meet who are ladylike and who enjoy girly things AND who are also capable, strong, and the kind of person you want by your side in a crisis - goes on and on and on.  This post would scroll for ages if I listed them all.

So you craft.  Or cook.  Or keep a clean house.  Or LIKE dresses and high-heels.  Or grow Heirloom Tomatoes.  So you do things that are "girly", "ladylike", or "feminine".  Good for you!

Capable, beautiful, womanly and well-round­ed does NOT mean "soft". It doesn't mean we can't be "tough". And it's sad that some of us are still so stuck in the mindset that "girly" is bad, that they can't see past crafts, passions, and hobbies to the extremely tough women who are NOT setting feminism back by enjoying them.